The Women Who Stare At Floors

Recently I have begun to notice that I tend not to look people in the face when I speak to them. Another thing I am working on. I never really thought about this before, but when I took a step back and observed myself throughout a day I started to notice many times when I walk I look at the floor, when I talk to people I look past them or at their shoes. Shoes typically don’t hold any interest for me unless they are converse, or rainbow, or rainbow converse…I am getting off topic here. I wanted to know why I do this, and if there are other people that do this, and finally is there a way for me to overcome this?

So I went off in search of some answers, I am sure I can’t be the only odd duckling out there, right?! I visited many sites and got many of the same answers; the reason for little eye contact can range anywhere from social anxiety to being a creative person. Many of these reasons I found did confirm what I thought may be the main cause - social anxiety, but I could find no real resolution on how to correct it. Sure there are websites like succeedsocially.com that claim they can help you overcome this. I say claim because I have no facts to prove as such and leave it up to those interested in this to research it. Also the various sites I visited said one can possibly be trained to make regular eye contact but it may not solve the root issues. Also, not everything that is “on the line” is true.

One common thread I did find was people saying if they were just asked why they were not making eye contact it helped them open up about being uncomfortable around people, and helped them in that instance to have a less anxious encounter. Maybe this will work. My first thought was, “Why should I push it off to the person outside of myself to break the ice, and figure it out?” And then I realized it is because I am comfortable in my social anxiety, and this person possibly has not had much experience with such a unique creature as I. ;) Maybe, just maybe I will have to blurt out, "You being a person outside myself makes me nervous!" Ummm...maybe not.

The amazingness of the internet never ceases to amaze me, when you go looking you will find answers, maybe not all right, but answers none the less. So the answers I got were they could be due to my social anxiety ( I just call it being nervous to be amongst the humans), it could also be due to my heritage – the part I grew up knowing, and because I also am a very visual person.  So, as I have noticed it makes other people uncomfortable and while I do like to make sure other people are comfortable, in this instance I am not sure how to do this without also doing something bizarre, like instead of seeing if they have converse, engage them in the weirdest most awkwardest staring contest of all. Here I enter a conundrum. (Yes I did have to look up that word afterwards to make sure I used it correctly.)

Should I just do the   traditional fake it until I make it (I am cringing inside), do I continue down my path of making others feel uncomfortable and/or think I have a shoe fetish? Well since I am all about trying out new things (lately) and stepping outside my box of comfort I think I will go the first route. Who’s up for a good ole staring contest? 

There is so much beauty in people’s eyes, and eye wear that it is something that can be easily missed when I don’t bother to look at their eyes when they speak. I miss the laugh lines, the worry, and all the minute little details eyes tell about the people in whose head they are contained. It took a while but when I was finally able to look into my husband’s eyes (before he was my husband) I realized how beautiful they truly are, how they change with his moods, his clothing, and even the time of day. How much beauty have I been missing amongst my friends, acquaintances, and just anyone who has ever spoke to me? I don’t think I want to miss out on any more of the beauty that surrounds me every day.

I wish I could snap my fingers and just change it, but like everything this will be a lesson to learn, and that will take time, and patience on my part. First I start with being able to stare into the camera, without looking off to the side, or hiding behind anything. So if I am talking to you, or vice versa, and you are uncomfortable at the length of time I am staring at your shoes, maybe try saying, “Hey my eyes are up here!” Or if I am goading you into a staring contest you can always try the opposite, “Hey my shoes are down there!”